At the End of the Day...

I can't help but feel such an overwhelming feeling of Love for our kiddos. I race getting them into bed, but as soon as I don't hear "Mom, I love you" anymore and hear snoring or sound sleeping instead...I wonder why I rushed brushing their teeth, reading their scriptures and them straining their voices with the word "ME!!!" hoping they will be heard first and loudest at the chance to say the prayer at night. I think each night I sit and wonder what else we could have done that day, how I could have been a better mom, did we make a memory they won't forget, did I raise my voice at them(and if I had, I then feel guilty), or wondering if they will even remember today, what we did and know daily without a doubt, the great love I have for them. I know that since Kinlee was born, I have let go of tons of stress, irritation and worry, but I have also packed on tons of emotion, different worries, and even more love for my family. As Tys and I have been talking a little more in depth lately about our kids and their futures...I can't help but become extremely emotional when thinking about this, if something were to happen to me or them today, how would they remember me? how would I remember them? How well do we know our children and how well do they know us? Are they too young that they would forget the mom I was or am I too busy to sit and make time to remember just who each one of our sweet little ones are? Tys is very reassuring that we can't think that deep. But oh I assure you, I can! :) and do it a little too often, what if? I guess I just need to remember that this is life and it is what it is. and to just make the best of each of these moments, like... how I just put sweet Kinlee in her crib finally that it's almost midnight. Even though she fell asleep about 9 in her bounc-ie chair. I didn't want to miss the time I could spend just having her by my side. I love to take in every minute of her and know that one day, her friends will be much more cool than I and I won't get to have the final say in keeping her close by my side as long as I'd like :) and for our loving Peyt. His love and passion for numbers. He is so smart. For the big brother he is to Drew, listening to him try and convince him to take his medicine, helping him learn or watching him care so much for his little sister...always telling her how cute she is and so excited to see her. and me hoping as a mother, that his love for his siblings never fails, that he will always show that love and support even as the years add on. Oh Drew Drew Drew. He is one hilarious boy. But I can't help but feel my heart melt when throughout the day he puts his arms around me and says "Love you mom" while kissing me on the cheek. Or telling me he likes my eyes or loves my hair. Asking over and over to give his little Kinlee a kiss on the cheek. and when he tells me "don't talk-a to him, talk nice." after I asked sternly for Peyton not to do something. Me hoping once again, that his love and protective side for his brother and sister will always last. and that I will never stop having my heart melted with such sweet words and a perfect kiss on my cheek.

I need to remember to just take each day one at a time...to not rush, enjoy and soak in each moment and to remember the words that I'm told often "I wish my kids were that age again, where they love you no matter what and will still always give you hugs!" and most of all to remember that this is me living my Happily Ever After and to DO JUST THAT. :)