Life

My goodness, it's WELL past bedtime! Yes, it's almost 1 am. We did hop in bed late tonight because our sweet Peyt kept asking me to cuddle with him...he knows I'm a sucker and will give in as long as dad lets me. :) Then our sweet Kinlee woke up crying a few minutes later...as I feed her I sometimes look at the Internet on Tysons phone to keep me from falling asleep. Sometimes I feel guilty thinking I should just enjoy the moment of holding my baby who won't be a baby for very long, because we all know, time flies by WAY too fast. But tonight I decided to look at a couple blogs I remembered where families had lost their sweet babies...Today looking at those was especially hard for me, I COULD NOT hold back a tear. Which took me back to earlier this morning, receiving a phone call from my mom who was searching for my sister. My sister, my brother in law, my cute nephews...they had lost a father in law, a father and a sweet grandpa today. My mom couldn't reach my sister so was heading home to give her the news she had been contacted with. I tried calling Em to see if maybe she would answer, she didn't, but called me right back. As I asked if she was okay, she didn't understand and instantly asked "What's wrong? what happened Ashlee!?! Tell me." I couldn't make her wait another couple minutes till mom arrived. So I had to tell her she lost someone special in her life, her father in law. and Her husband and son were at Scout Camp 5 hours away...Wow. I immediately just sat and thought, thought so much about this life and haven't stopped this whole day. Her boys, DAsh and KB came over to hang with us for the day. I was hoping to make their day better. I told KB "we're gonna go get PIZZA to try and help make your day better, okay?" and he replied "Pizza doesn't fix a broken heart." Break my heart! As I thought about that, I think what if there is something that fixes a broken heart...and THERE IS! Our gospel, through prayer, love, faith and healing it can be fixed.
Death is something I am terrified of. Do you think about it? Are you scared or is it just me? As I have thought about it so much today, I think...but this is it, THIS is LIFE, this is the plan... We are born, we get blessed,we get baptized, we go to school, we work, we go on missions, we go through the temple, we get married, we have kids, we buy homes...that is it, that is what WE DO...but also at the end of that plan, whenever it may be, we are also called back to our Father in Heaven the one who gave us life. That is Life, that is the plan. I asked Tyson in wondering if when we get there- will we have had our whole life recorded...so we can go back, go back and watch the day we fell in love, watch our babies-the day that they took their first breath? He thinks it could all be insignificant once we're there...he reminded me, NOTHING here may matter there. It's not going to matter what house we owned, what car we drove, if mine was any better than yours, nothing. I do think we will take with us the memories.
LIFE is precious...I feel blessed to have been given such a loving family. Loving parents, an amazing husband who constantly uplifts me, 3 adorable children, so many amazing siblings. I am blessed. Experiences have led me to realize that no matter what, our families are there for us. They love us. I only hope I can show them the love that they have given me, that you will know without a doubt I love you too. We never know how long or short our life here on this earth will be. I look at my kids and hubby every day, trying to remember that we never know. Trying to remind myself to not leave them without a hug and a kiss and an I Love You. Life is Fragile, take each step as if it were your last, live each second as if there were no tomorrow, use each minute to savor what we have been given. He loves us and has given us the opportunity to live. Reminding myself to try and never regret a moment. Because we never know when any moment could be our last. My heart aches for my sister and her family in their loss. WE love you tons and hope and pray that you can feel the comfort you need. LOVE YOU!